It doesn't feel like Friday...

Today was pretty boring.
Passed Art Test - CHECK!
Passed Bio Test - CHECK!
Survived Spanish - CHECK!
Left Math 40 minutes early - CHECK!

Leaving Math that early was wonderful. We're at RAB for math, and we had a sub. When my dad came to pick me up the office tried calling the sub, but her phone was off. My dad had to drive to RAB and get me himself. It was pretty entertaining. I sit right by the door and window (which is always open), so when he got there I just heard Emilie say, "Hey, look. It's your dad!" Everyone was very confused, but I got to leave early so I don't care.
People have absolutely no respect for my Spanish teacher. I sometimes feel like I don't either, but I don't treat her like she's nothing like everyone else. It's really annoying, but what can you do? I think she has done all she can to get them to like her, and it's just not going to work. I don't know what it is about her that they don't like. My class just loves to piss her off.
Biology was kind of annoying. As much I love my teacher, he was bugging me today. He said something to Jamie about her grade. I know it was only because he cares, but I just thought it was sort of rude to talk to her about it in front of me and Nicole. Other people could have been listening in, too. They don't need to know about her grade. I certainly don't need to.
I was supposed to make up a quiz today... That didn't happen...
Art was lame. We had a sub. Boring! But Nicole and I are making a new friend, so this is very good for our group. (Actually, it could be very heart-breaking...)

Oh, no. I'm hungry. The last time I ate was at five, and I counted it as dinner. (Jamie, Stephanie, Nicole, and I went to the Habit and had salads and fries! And something from the Coffee Bean, since that place is amazing.)

Problem of the moment: Slight writers block when I need to write. I have a contest to win...

This is in continuation of the last blog--
It's not a lie at all. Why did I think it was? I'm not lying to myself! It's the truth! He isn't the same person I wish he was! This is good news. Today I felt the awesomeness that is not thinking he was the greatest person alive. Infact, he rather bugged me. I didn't want to talk to him at all.
Isn't this good news?
I'm not obsessed.
BUT-- I fear that things will go back to normal in the next month or so. My mind is so used to his "presence."
All my life I've been easily obsessed with people. I think my writing will show it.

I just wanted you to know.

My spirituality is hard to describe right now. I sin so much, and I catch it everytime. The main things I have troubles in are swearing (the desire to do so, I mean) and saying the Lord's name in vain. I say it all of the time and I hate it. Everytime I do, I mentally kick myself.
Why does saying "Jesus" in vain seem worse than saying "Oh my God"?

Have you ever had to tell yourself a lie? Today I had to. If I didn't, I would have fallen into a deep hole that looked nearly impossible to climb myself out of. In my situation, I know this person. This person is, in my mind, nearly perfect (minus 4 or 5 factors). So today I was day dreaming, as usual, and I thought, 'Hey... what if I'm making this person into someone else?'
I realized: That's what I've been doing for months upon months. I've lied to myself in so many bad ways to get me thinking about this person constantly. Now I realize my foolishness.
It's really terrible that I know I've made him into someone that he isn't, and yet I'm still infatuated.
Summer needs to come and save me.
If I asked for advice, which I haven't, my friends would tell me to pray about it. I do. More than you know. But now I'm thinking that God wants my life to be like this. Or am I lying to myself again? And even if God wants my thoughs to revolve around my current situation, Satan is sure taking it for his advantage. For that I cannot help but hate him.
Even when my mind is busy doing a Bible project, or kayaking, or laughing with my friends, the first thing on my mind is always this.



The whole thing reminds me of the wonderful song, Strange and Beautiful.

I had to go stop the washer from self-destructing. Well, not really. You know when it's unbalanced and starts rumbling? Yes. That's what was happening. So because of that, I forgot what I was going to write about. Now I'm leaving a lame life update.

I'm taking Drivers Ed this weekend. As in, this Saturday. As in, tomorrow. The lame thing is nearly everyone in my grade has taken it, so Stephanie, Nicole, Jamie, and I are the only sane people in a class full of younger people. Torture.

We're going to Emilie's birthday celebration in an hour, which is just going to see a movie and have dinner. It should be fun.

Toshi (my computer) decided that he didn't want to charge up anymore. So he's very close to being dead. He needs a new cord, we think. Since he's being difficult, I'm using Viktor (Nicole's computer).
Remember how I said that my faith isn't so good these days? Well, the enemy stikes again. At church, no less. I sat there listening to the pastor talk, and all I could think was, "How do you know?" Fortunately, Lorenzo (my alter ego) is a major Christian. He talks me out of the stupidity that finds its way into my mind. Anyway, when this girl was getting baptised, I nearly broke down in happy tears. But I didn't want my face to look like a mascara-y mess, so I didn't. I should really start going to church more often.
I've discovered that I'm a lot like my mom... It's kind of weird. We're alike in so many ways.
I found Cheesecake! You don't know what I'm talking about... Okay, so one day a few friends and I decided to write in the same journal. It's partly fiction, partly reality. We keep it for a few days, then pass it on. I thought I lost it. Someone put it in this closet where we keep backpacks and stuff. Thank God. I was so happy when I found it.
I'm going to Catalina in two weeks (I think). It should be fun. I'll try not to be too pessimistic. But I will not swim. I refuse. I hate swimming. Water + Angela = No Bueno. That's that.

February was some month. It seems like we celebrated Charlie's birthday so long ago, but it was only a few days after Valentine's Day. Then there was the element of stress. Sleep hasn't been granting me with its presence for as long as I'd like it to. Now we have to move into a different house.
This is... let me see, the seventh time we've moved? Maybe sixth. Perhaps that isn't too many times, but it seems like it. I'm wondering why we can't just buy a house. I'm anxious to move. This house was nice, but a new one wouldn't be too bad. Maybe I'd get a bigger room, or an extra bathroom (please, God, please!). Both would be ideal.
My grades are both going up and down. When something good happens something bad must also happen, I guess. My math grade went up, whereas my Bible grade is going down because I never do my Dever questions. Actually, this semester I've only neglected to do them twice (including tonight, since I forgot the book at school).
All of the classes I loved last semester I now hate, and vise versa. For example, I cannot stand Biology. Last semester, it was a good class. But maybe that was for other reasons.
Rose and I were briefly talking about how we haven't written anything in months. It makes me really sad, in a way. But at the same time I am relieved. If I get one more fanfiction.net review that says "Update," I think I will blow up. It's flattering for the first, oh, I don't know... one hundred times. Once you get past that, it's sort of annoying.
I almost called Mr. Smith "Mr. Mann," today. If you know who I'm talking about, I suppose you'd find it sort of funny. I know I did at the time.
By the way, my spiritual life isn't so good these days. I mean, I still love God and everything. I'm not talking to him as much as I should. I'm not worshipping as much as I should. It bugs me...

Emily Dickinson

You know, people in my English class may call Emily Dickinson a freak. They may call her a nature freak. They might even call her gay. But Emily Dickinson was a good poet. She didn't write about nature all of the time. Her poems about love are great. Like, Heart, We Will Forget Him.

Heart, we will forget him!
You an I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you're lagging.
I may remember him!


Then there's this poem called I'm Nobody! Who Are You?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!



I think I have a lot in common with Emily Dickinson. Then again, how would I know?

"No need to call the doctor, 'cause I'm not yet dead!"

Alright, so on livejournal.com, where I post ever so often, I always do this thing where I post funny conversations of the day. I'm thinking of just putting them on here instead. Why? No idea. I just feel like it. No one really write LJs anymore, anyway.
Anyway, so these are the kinds of things that make me laugh.

Me: "Mr. Cooper, why is it so hot in here?"
Mr. Cooper: "Because I radiate heat."

That one was actually from yesterday. Today was a pretty lame conversation day, you see. Nothing really interesting happened.

Ever since I've read Pierce in the Darkness by Frank Peretti, I've imagined demons whispering in my ear. It's easier to tell them to go away if you think about it that way. Now that we're reading the Screwtape Letters, I've started thinking that way again. Nicole, apparently, thinks like me. Last night she said, "Do you ever talk to demons?"
Naturally, I was like, "Um... what in the world are you talking about?" Then she explained, and I agreed.

This post is a bunch of nothingness piled together.

We're going to Rachael's tonight, where we'll sin and sin again. I hate it. I really do. I have a choice, don't I? It doesn't feel like I do.
The funny thing is, when you say to someone, "You're gossiping," they get all mad at you like it's your fault. I know this because Jordan tells me that I'm gossiping all of the time, and I always get mad at him. Humans never want to be held accountable for their sins. I know I don't want to be, but I know that's the way things work. When I screw things up, it's my fault.
Gossiping is a funny thing. When you're a teenage girl, it's one of the only things you do with your "girlfriends." You can't get away from it. I gossip every sinfilled day, and I hate it. That's why sleep overs aren't good ideas.

If I gain seven thousand pounds, I'm blaming Rachael and her food for tempting me to eat it...

I want to start this out by saying that today was the most awkward day I've had in a long time. Too many of my friends read my LJs, so I'm posting on here instead. Not that they'll be mad about what I'm saying, because they won't. It's just that they all have differnet opinions...
Let's discuss today, shall we?
It started out peachy keen, you know? Like any other day would have. Bible class was first, and it was fun. But that's where it all started, too.
Then there's a secondary issue.
Basically, I can't tell you anything, so I don't even know why I'm writing this. I just feel like complaining, I think. Our group is just falling apart, in a way. It's fixable, but I don't know if I want to find the glue.

Today, some kid said, "Even the smart kids want it!" He was referring to Nicole and moi. The unbelievably stupid part is that we were talking about if we wanted the lights on or off. We voted for the lights off, and so did he. What does being smart have to do with anything? Is that how I'll be remembered? The "smart kid," when I'm really not that smart at all?
I know why they think it, though. I'm quiet, and I wear glasses. Both things aren't fixable. Being louder is an option, but I always feel like I'm screaming. Getting contacts could work, but I've already tried and I can't get them in.
People are so stupid. They don't even think for themselves.
But I don't hate them, and I guess it's a sin to call them stupid.
The stupid thing is that I don't take back what I said about them being stupid.

We had an Awards Chapel. I got on the Honor Roll... again. Nicole got on High Honors... again.

Michael will be back tomorrow.

Chuck and Shannon are here. It's Chuck's 27th birthday today.

You know, I try very hard not to complain about homework or school. Really, I do try. But I think I've cracked. It's not my fault that I'm only getting a 3.1, because I do try in school. It's not my fault if the stupid Biology workbook thinks I know the answer to "Why is the trachea rather rigid and the esophagus flat and muscular?" You know, since we went over it in class and everything...

(side note: I now have an answer to that question, because as I typed it out it made sense...)

Yesterday I was talking to Stephanie about AP Euro. She said something about noticing that I had some wrong answers on my notes, but she didn't want to sound like a know-it-all and tell me about it. That just irks me. SHARE THE WEALTH! I mean, I'd be thankful to get the right answers! I wouldn't think she was a know-it-all!

Today is one crappy day, I tell you. I need to go outside and see God in things, and be happy about living. But I can't, because I have too much homework.
I could have done this homework on Friday, but I didn't.
Satuday is totally off limits, since it's the only day I feel like I have off in the week.

I'm complaining.
*dies*

I'm pretty much convinced that if Paul (from the Bible) were still alive, I'd be his biggest fangirl. Not because the actor who plays him in the movie we're watching in Bible is sort of cute, but because of the way he writes. He sort of seems like the perfect guy. Does he not?

Today, I've been seeing God in everything. Well, except for after AP Euro and all I could think about was the grade I got on the test (I past, but I thought I'd do better). Aside from that chunk of my day, it's been like, "Oh, I'm so happy God put so-n-so in my life." It makes me happy that I can recognize that He put that person there, and I didn't just meet them by chance.
This morning I read a Bible verse. I can't remember what it was, but it said something about how you shouldn't hate people. I've been struggling with my eagerness to dislike everyone who acts a certain way, you see. So the verse stood out to me. Then, when I got home I read another verse that said the same thing. Think God's trying to tell me something? Yeah, I do. So I've decided to be nice to them. Before I decided to try to be nice, now I'm taking action. I won't let them bother me.

I have to start my homework...

Hey kiddies! Let's sing the Insomnia Song! Ready? One, two, three...
...
Wait... there is no Insomnia Song. Shouldn't there be a song about insomnia to keep those of us who suffer from it entertained? Yes, I think there should. Instead I go on my nifty laptop, where I check myspace, HEX, and LJ. Too bad my nifty laptop makes me more and more awake. Yeah, thanks Toshi. (I name inanimate objected...)
Of course, there's a second option to getting over insomnia blues: writing! But it seems that creativity is on vacation.
Then there's a third option: reading one of the many books that I've been ignoring. The only problem is, I've been ignoring them for a reason. My imagination must have gone with my creativity to Rio. (Imagination and Creativity may fall under the same category, but they're different. Apparently not different enough to not want to go to Rio with each other. Oh, and see that? That's personification. Take that, 75-on-English-Final!)
Now that I've checked HEX, myspace, and LJ, the only thing left to do was come here. Which is why I'm here, discussing the options to insomnia. Now I have nothing to do!

How about this: I'll talk about my emotions, like the girl that I am.
On Friday, I couldn't wait to leave school and go home to do nothing. School has been causing nothing but stress. Saturday may have been the only fun-filled day I've had in weeks. Once Sunday rolled along, and I realized that I actually did have homework, all the stress came tumbling back. So here I am, feeling sick to my stomach with stress. I am a firm believer that fifteen-year-olds shouldn't be stressed out. We should be living our lives; making stupid decisions. Instead, I'm being the almost-wise-decision-maker. (This excludes Saturday, when I bought that awful CD for Harry Potter Week.)
Then Stacy London and Clinton Kelly (the two wonderful people from What Not To Wear) made me realize that I hate my wardrobe. Actually, I knew this before I watched their show today. It just kind of all came crashing down on me. Like, "Oh my gosh, what will I wear tomorrow?" Then I realized that it doesn't really matter, because God won't say, "Angela, change clothes, you look horrible."

I'm still not tired...

I am going to complain because... well, what else are blogs for when you have nothing intelligent to say?
Tomorrow I have to make up my Bible final, AP Euro test, and finish my Spanish final. I find it somewhat annoying that Miss Lesmes couldn't have just told me that I needed to finish it. Then I could have told her that it might have to wait 'til Friday, since I have to make up my Bible final during X-Block, and I don't plan on rushing myself. Everytime I rush myself on a final, I fail it. We'll take the English and Art final for examples. But Starkey made that final hard. Technically I didn't fail that final, though. I just didn't do as good as Nicole did.
So when I told my dad what I got on my English final, he goes "Seventy-five??" Like it was the worst grade ever. Get over it, Dad. Really. I'm still getting an A in the class. So I asked him if he knew what alliteration was, and he didn't. Anyway, I was kind of mad at him for being disappointed since he never is. You know what? I'm sorry I'm not in elementary school anymore. High school is kind of hard.

The AP Euro test will be easy. I have to study more, though.
Wish me luck.
OH, and pray that I find it in me to be nice to certain people...

I've been sick with this terrible flu for three days. It was terrible. My immune system hates me. I'm doing better now, but my throat hurts really bad.
Finals were from Wednesday-Friday. I missed four of them. Assuming that I'm going to school tomorrow, which I plan on doing, then I get to make up those lovely four on Monday while everyone else is either sleeping or being lazy. I guess that's what you get when your immune system hates you.

Nicole and I like Johnny Cash again. Life is better this way.

Still can't find the Rocky Horror Picture Show DVD case. I guess it's for the better...

I hate when I don't like people. The world would just be better if everyone liked each other. That's not the case, sadly.
Anyway, so last night Tiffany was talking about Roman Numerals. I don't really care about Roman Numerals, so I zoned out. I started thinking about this girl who just irks me, and I guess I was making a face. My dad noticed, and when I told him what I was thinking about I could tell no one believed me at all.
Whatever.
I felt the need to complain about that, since I hate it when people don't beleive me.

I got this awesome SAT book. They make it funny.

It would be the perfect time, right now, to have an epiphany. In reality, though, epiphanies come to you during Spanish class or when you're doing homework. Never when you want them...

I'm mad because we don't have chapel at school tomorrow. That's what I heard, anyway. How dare they take away my worship time?
Confession tiiime!
Angela does not like church. Praising God is good. The people are annoying. I like the principal of church, but going sucks. Basically, chapel is my only real sing-out-to-God time. I know I should go, but come Sunday morning I really couldn't care less.
Apart from everything else about it, there's one thing that I love about Cornerstone. There are a lot of shy kids go there. They won't talk to you. It's perfect. Sonrise is filled with those outgoing types. Which sucks for people like me, because I love (or, once loved) Sonrise.
I feel dumb for playing church favorites.

I keep cracking my neck, because it hurts because I don't have my glasses on, causing me to stretch my neck towards the screen. It's making me think of the time where Mr. Smith said that cracking necks was a disgusting habit. Good thing that I don't care what he thinks! =]

Since I can't sleep, I think I'll read the Bible...
Even though Mom told me to go to sleep 15 minutes ago, and instead I picked up my computer...

OHHH!
I made an *Nsync CD with all of my favorite songs on it...
It is perfect.

I have Bible in the morning. That makes me happy. I think Mr. Hervey's going to have us read Romans 6. I like Romans 6. So that's good...



Ephesians 1:3-10

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ."


I like it.

PS- Be Be Your Love by Rachael Yamagata (or something...) is a great song for one of those girly depressed moods. I'm listening to it now. I'm finding it interesting, because it can be applied to my life. And yet, it can't because I don't have a crush on him. Not again, anyway. And no, Nicole, it's not who you might be thinking about. Not the person we were talking about at dinner. Though, he did come up, I think...

Romans 6:4
"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

I think I would've liked Paul.

I thought today was going to suck because I got about 3.5 hours of sleep. Turns out, I kind of function better if I just keep thinking that after going through the hell that school can be, I can sleep. So that's what I thought all day. Now that I'm home, though, I have coffee in my system (Ice Blended White Chocolate Dream, to be exact) and I'm wide awake.
Starkey played Nsync for us after school. So I went to go gather up everyone who I thought would appreciate the awesomeness that is Nsync. Turns out that Mr. Starkey needs new speakers... But anyway, so we were standing there talking about how our legs hurt so much because of Rachel's party, and Starkey turned the music off! I kind of yelled at him. It was very entertaining. He just laughed.
Let me tell you, X-Block is the best part of my day. Mrs. Hargis is an awesome person. Mr. Smith is very entertaining, too.

I guess I should do my math homework before I die.
Then they can mention that at my funeral! "Angela Lucatorto - always did her math homework..." But that would be a lie, because in the beginning of the year I didn't do any of it. So I guess they can't say that... Aw, well.

Have I mentioned lately how grateful I am to be alive and how great my life is? No. I don't think I have. Which is why I'm mentioning it now. It's days like these that make me terribly happy.

But I hear Ms. Lesmes didn't put the homework on iWork... I'll have to go check for myself.

Books and Authors

J.K. Rowling has to finish up book seven soon, or Meg Cabot is going to take her spot on my Favorite Author List. Seriously. Not that I want to finish book seven right away or anything - that would be sad. I just want it. All I've been reading is Meg Cabot (...and Hugh Laurie and Harper Lee...). Basically, I need my JKR fix. Maybe I'll read a Harry Potter book over the weekend. Yeah! I'll finish up the Chamber of Secrets, then jump to book six if I have time.

I finally got The Gun Seller by Hugh Laurie the other day. It seems to be good. The only thing that bugs me is that he uses " ' " (<<>
While reading it the other night, I noticed that a character (Sarah, I think her name is...) had the same birthday as Mr. Starkey. I love finding things like that.

That makes me think of English class. I kind of feel guilty, because I didn't finish To Kill A Mockingbird. But, I don't want to care. Hardly anyone actually read it, so why does it matter if I didn't? I know what happens, though. Nicole told me. I wonder if that's considered cheating...
I don't think it matters, though, because the summary doesn't have much to do with what I'm doing with my book report. So there, I don't have to finish it.
One day I will.