Have you ever had to tell yourself a lie? Today I had to. If I didn't, I would have fallen into a deep hole that looked nearly impossible to climb myself out of. In my situation, I know this person. This person is, in my mind, nearly perfect (minus 4 or 5 factors). So today I was day dreaming, as usual, and I thought, 'Hey... what if I'm making this person into someone else?'
I realized: That's what I've been doing for months upon months. I've lied to myself in so many bad ways to get me thinking about this person constantly. Now I realize my foolishness.
It's really terrible that I know I've made him into someone that he isn't, and yet I'm still infatuated.
Summer needs to come and save me.
If I asked for advice, which I haven't, my friends would tell me to pray about it. I do. More than you know. But now I'm thinking that God wants my life to be like this. Or am I lying to myself again? And even if God wants my thoughs to revolve around my current situation, Satan is sure taking it for his advantage. For that I cannot help but hate him.
Even when my mind is busy doing a Bible project, or kayaking, or laughing with my friends, the first thing on my mind is always this.



The whole thing reminds me of the wonderful song, Strange and Beautiful.