It doesn't feel like Friday...

Today was pretty boring.
Passed Art Test - CHECK!
Passed Bio Test - CHECK!
Survived Spanish - CHECK!
Left Math 40 minutes early - CHECK!

Leaving Math that early was wonderful. We're at RAB for math, and we had a sub. When my dad came to pick me up the office tried calling the sub, but her phone was off. My dad had to drive to RAB and get me himself. It was pretty entertaining. I sit right by the door and window (which is always open), so when he got there I just heard Emilie say, "Hey, look. It's your dad!" Everyone was very confused, but I got to leave early so I don't care.
People have absolutely no respect for my Spanish teacher. I sometimes feel like I don't either, but I don't treat her like she's nothing like everyone else. It's really annoying, but what can you do? I think she has done all she can to get them to like her, and it's just not going to work. I don't know what it is about her that they don't like. My class just loves to piss her off.
Biology was kind of annoying. As much I love my teacher, he was bugging me today. He said something to Jamie about her grade. I know it was only because he cares, but I just thought it was sort of rude to talk to her about it in front of me and Nicole. Other people could have been listening in, too. They don't need to know about her grade. I certainly don't need to.
I was supposed to make up a quiz today... That didn't happen...
Art was lame. We had a sub. Boring! But Nicole and I are making a new friend, so this is very good for our group. (Actually, it could be very heart-breaking...)

Oh, no. I'm hungry. The last time I ate was at five, and I counted it as dinner. (Jamie, Stephanie, Nicole, and I went to the Habit and had salads and fries! And something from the Coffee Bean, since that place is amazing.)

Problem of the moment: Slight writers block when I need to write. I have a contest to win...

This is in continuation of the last blog--
It's not a lie at all. Why did I think it was? I'm not lying to myself! It's the truth! He isn't the same person I wish he was! This is good news. Today I felt the awesomeness that is not thinking he was the greatest person alive. Infact, he rather bugged me. I didn't want to talk to him at all.
Isn't this good news?
I'm not obsessed.
BUT-- I fear that things will go back to normal in the next month or so. My mind is so used to his "presence."
All my life I've been easily obsessed with people. I think my writing will show it.

I just wanted you to know.

My spirituality is hard to describe right now. I sin so much, and I catch it everytime. The main things I have troubles in are swearing (the desire to do so, I mean) and saying the Lord's name in vain. I say it all of the time and I hate it. Everytime I do, I mentally kick myself.
Why does saying "Jesus" in vain seem worse than saying "Oh my God"?

Have you ever had to tell yourself a lie? Today I had to. If I didn't, I would have fallen into a deep hole that looked nearly impossible to climb myself out of. In my situation, I know this person. This person is, in my mind, nearly perfect (minus 4 or 5 factors). So today I was day dreaming, as usual, and I thought, 'Hey... what if I'm making this person into someone else?'
I realized: That's what I've been doing for months upon months. I've lied to myself in so many bad ways to get me thinking about this person constantly. Now I realize my foolishness.
It's really terrible that I know I've made him into someone that he isn't, and yet I'm still infatuated.
Summer needs to come and save me.
If I asked for advice, which I haven't, my friends would tell me to pray about it. I do. More than you know. But now I'm thinking that God wants my life to be like this. Or am I lying to myself again? And even if God wants my thoughs to revolve around my current situation, Satan is sure taking it for his advantage. For that I cannot help but hate him.
Even when my mind is busy doing a Bible project, or kayaking, or laughing with my friends, the first thing on my mind is always this.



The whole thing reminds me of the wonderful song, Strange and Beautiful.

I had to go stop the washer from self-destructing. Well, not really. You know when it's unbalanced and starts rumbling? Yes. That's what was happening. So because of that, I forgot what I was going to write about. Now I'm leaving a lame life update.

I'm taking Drivers Ed this weekend. As in, this Saturday. As in, tomorrow. The lame thing is nearly everyone in my grade has taken it, so Stephanie, Nicole, Jamie, and I are the only sane people in a class full of younger people. Torture.

We're going to Emilie's birthday celebration in an hour, which is just going to see a movie and have dinner. It should be fun.

Toshi (my computer) decided that he didn't want to charge up anymore. So he's very close to being dead. He needs a new cord, we think. Since he's being difficult, I'm using Viktor (Nicole's computer).
Remember how I said that my faith isn't so good these days? Well, the enemy stikes again. At church, no less. I sat there listening to the pastor talk, and all I could think was, "How do you know?" Fortunately, Lorenzo (my alter ego) is a major Christian. He talks me out of the stupidity that finds its way into my mind. Anyway, when this girl was getting baptised, I nearly broke down in happy tears. But I didn't want my face to look like a mascara-y mess, so I didn't. I should really start going to church more often.
I've discovered that I'm a lot like my mom... It's kind of weird. We're alike in so many ways.
I found Cheesecake! You don't know what I'm talking about... Okay, so one day a few friends and I decided to write in the same journal. It's partly fiction, partly reality. We keep it for a few days, then pass it on. I thought I lost it. Someone put it in this closet where we keep backpacks and stuff. Thank God. I was so happy when I found it.
I'm going to Catalina in two weeks (I think). It should be fun. I'll try not to be too pessimistic. But I will not swim. I refuse. I hate swimming. Water + Angela = No Bueno. That's that.

February was some month. It seems like we celebrated Charlie's birthday so long ago, but it was only a few days after Valentine's Day. Then there was the element of stress. Sleep hasn't been granting me with its presence for as long as I'd like it to. Now we have to move into a different house.
This is... let me see, the seventh time we've moved? Maybe sixth. Perhaps that isn't too many times, but it seems like it. I'm wondering why we can't just buy a house. I'm anxious to move. This house was nice, but a new one wouldn't be too bad. Maybe I'd get a bigger room, or an extra bathroom (please, God, please!). Both would be ideal.
My grades are both going up and down. When something good happens something bad must also happen, I guess. My math grade went up, whereas my Bible grade is going down because I never do my Dever questions. Actually, this semester I've only neglected to do them twice (including tonight, since I forgot the book at school).
All of the classes I loved last semester I now hate, and vise versa. For example, I cannot stand Biology. Last semester, it was a good class. But maybe that was for other reasons.
Rose and I were briefly talking about how we haven't written anything in months. It makes me really sad, in a way. But at the same time I am relieved. If I get one more fanfiction.net review that says "Update," I think I will blow up. It's flattering for the first, oh, I don't know... one hundred times. Once you get past that, it's sort of annoying.
I almost called Mr. Smith "Mr. Mann," today. If you know who I'm talking about, I suppose you'd find it sort of funny. I know I did at the time.
By the way, my spiritual life isn't so good these days. I mean, I still love God and everything. I'm not talking to him as much as I should. I'm not worshipping as much as I should. It bugs me...

Emily Dickinson

You know, people in my English class may call Emily Dickinson a freak. They may call her a nature freak. They might even call her gay. But Emily Dickinson was a good poet. She didn't write about nature all of the time. Her poems about love are great. Like, Heart, We Will Forget Him.

Heart, we will forget him!
You an I, tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you're lagging.
I may remember him!


Then there's this poem called I'm Nobody! Who Are You?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!



I think I have a lot in common with Emily Dickinson. Then again, how would I know?